"The Art of a Good Marriage" - written by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

"Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the art of marriage the little things are the big things... It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humour. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner. It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best."

Do You Change Your Surname After Marriage?

It has long been tradition for a woman to take the man's surname after they marry, but it also becoming very popular now for the man to take his wife’s surname. Obviously, there are a lot of conveniences in having the same surname, but it can be a big decision to make. Does this suit you both, and are you comfortable with it? So, what is the history of this tradition?

The female taking her husband’s surname is an old English custom, which eventually became the tradition in Anglicised neighbourhoods across the world, with English immigration and colonisation. This naming custom was a significant part of the then legal system, which then identified women as “property”. That type of marriage was a legal contract, which legally handed the "ownership" of the woman from her father to her husband. Fortunately times, and women, have changed, along with the “ownership” of the woman!

If you do decide to change your surname (male or female) after your marriage, you need to apply to your Department of Births, Deaths and Marriages, in the State in which you married, for your official Marriage Certificate. With this Certificate, you then need to apply to change your name with whichever agency you need to, such as license, voter roll, passport, ATO, bank accounts etc.

Source: 
1. http://womenshistorynetwork.org/blog/?p=307
2. http://www.bdm.vic.gov.au/home/change+of+name/change+your+name/change+of+name+after+marriage/

Your Perfect Vows

How do you write your vows? What do you say? Before you begin, you need to know that under The Marriage Act 1961, there are the  minimum vows that you both must say. These "legal" vows must also include your first and middle name as they are on your birth certificate, change of name certificate, or passport. These vows are:

"I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, A.B./C.D, take thee, C.D./A.B. to be my lawful wedded wife/husband."

After these vows you can add your own personal vows. You can write your own, making them very personal for you, saying what you feel straight from the heart. You can refer to previous letters or emails you have written to one another for example. Luckily there are many books to peruse if you need them, the internet is also a fantastic place for inspiration. Or your celebrant can help you. But remember to enjoy the process, you are only going to do this once!

"I take you to be my partner, to have and to hold from this day forward. I give you my unending love and devotion. I promise to be true to you, to cherish you, and to share my thoughts, hopes and dreams with you. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, my best friend. I will love you forever."

Source: http://weddingvowshare.com

You're Getting Married: Now What?

So you want to get married? Congratulations on your engagement! And now, what on earth do you have to do?

Obviously you need to choose a date, book a venue, book a band, book a photographer, book a hairdresser and make up artist. All of that stuff is important, but the most important thing is booking a celebrant, because with your celebrant (or priest) you cannot validly marry. And some celebrants are booked up many ,months in advance, so if you have a particular celebrant in mind, get in touch ASAP.

Most importantly, you do need to know that to legally marry in Australia you:

• Must not be still married to another person (you must give your celebrant an original copy of evidence of your divorce or evidence of your previous partners death).
• Cannot marry your parent (inclusive of adoptive parents), grandparent, child, grandchild, sibling (inclusive of adopted siblings)
• Must be at least 18 years old (unless you have a court approved order allowing a marriage where one of the couple is aged between 16 and 18).
• Must clearly show that you understand what marriage means and that you freely consent to the marriage.
• Must use specific wording (as per the Marriage Act 1961) during the marriage ceremony: the celebrant states the Monitum, prior to you both stating the “legal vows”.
• Must give the “Notice of Intention to Marry” (NOIM) to your celebrant at least one month prior to the wedding date, but no more that 18 months prior to the wedding date: your celebrant can assist you in filling out this form.

To complete the NOIM you do need to give your celebrant:

• Evidence of the date and place of your birth: original birth certificate, Australian or overseas passport
• Evidence of your identity: usually your drivers license, proof of age card, or Australian or overseas passport.
• Evidence of the end of any previous marriages for each person if relevant: the death certificate of the previous spouse or your divorce certificate.
• The celebrant may also require you to complete a Statutory Declaration to support your provided evidence, if this is deemed necessary by the celebrant.

Source: http://www.ag.gov.au/FamiliesAndMarriage/Marriage/Pages/GettingmarriedinAustralia.aspx

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

You - you alone will have the stars as no one else has them...In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night...You - only you - will have stars that can laugh.

― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Wise Words From Bob Marley.

This is one of the most popular readings I come across as a celebrant, so many of my couples choose this. And I think is because it is just simply true. For many couples, this piece of writing expresses for them that they are not perfect individually, nor are they expecting a perfect life ahead, because a perfect life does not exist for anyone. However, they are perfect for one another. Each couple will make mistakes, they will fail, they will falter, but they will always have one another to hold when times are tough, to laugh with and at, and to provide a safe haven for growth and self expression, and this is what makes them perfect. Enjoy!

One of My Favourite Wedding Readings.

I love this piece of writing. It was written by Madeleine L'Engle, taken from her book The Irrational Season. Marriage is a big risk, committing yourself to the same person forever. Forever! Imagine that? But so well worth all the hard work, the tears, the joys and the simplicity of feeling safe within the cocoon of love that the married couple can create.

"But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected."