Rules
for men and women
Rules
for women
1.
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you
leaving it down.
2.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be
opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!
3.
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it
be.
5.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.
One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always
cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
6.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7.
We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
8.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
9.
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
10.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
11.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
12.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all
comments become null and void after 7 days.
13.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.
14.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked
before!!
15.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other one.
16.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
17.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not
both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
18.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
19.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
20.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were
going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
21.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.
22.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
23.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability
is not proof of how little we care about you.
24.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
25.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear.
26.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
27.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war
flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
28.
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
29.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight,
but did you know, it's like camping.
Rules
for men
1.
Call.
2.
Don't lie.
3.
Never tape any of her body parts together.
4.
If a guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5.
If a guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No
Petting.
6.
The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever
"Yes."
7.
Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8.
Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
9.
Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11.
"Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good.
"Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad.
12.
Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14.
None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
15.
Her cooking is excellent.
16.
That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17.
Soap is your friend.
18.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not
equal clean.
19.
Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20.
Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is
never going to end that conversation.
21.
Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
22.
Two words: clean socks.
23.
Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
24.
Burping is not sexy.
25.
You're wrong.
26.
You're sorry.
27.
She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you
think she is.
28.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
29.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
30.
"Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is
bad.
31.
Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32.
Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
33.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that
particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
34.
"But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You
don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35.
Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36.
Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
37.
Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38.
If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete
jerk until she does it for you.
39.
Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
40.
Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
41.
Always, always suck up to her brother.
42.
Think boxers.
43.
Silk boxers.
44.
Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
45.
Don't try to change the way she dresses.
46.
Her haircut is never bad.
47.
Don't let your friends pick on her.
48.
Call.
49.
Don't lie.
50.
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has
to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking
cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
Source: http://specchum.blogspot.com.au/2008/02/rules-for-men-and-women.html
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